Fear of Cancer: Is It Back?

The thing I hate about the aftermath of cancer is that every time there is an ache or pain, I automatically wonder if cancer has come back; even after 12 years of being cancer free. A simple backache had me dialing the oncologist’s office to talk to the nurse this week. She said the doctor wanted to see me right away to rule out any possibilities of cancer being the cause.

Ugh. So I go…combatting fear all the way.

The oncologist didn’t seem too worried and actually told me that she wanted to “graduate” me from her care. I will no longer need yearly follow ups!

However….

My “graduation” will come AFTER I complete a bone scan and my blood work comes back normal. We have to positively rule out cancer as the cause of some lower back pain.

This is glorious news...yet I still have to go through the scan. Do I rejoice? Do I cry? Do I worry? How exactly am I suppose to feel after this visit?

Well I am staying positive and I choose to rejoice. It will be very strange to not see an oncologist once a year when this is all done. I mean, what if I have a bone ache in the future? I really do need to train my brain to know that I know that I know cancer has been beat. Period.

It may sound odd, but someone who has battled cancer doesn’t simply have back pain like a normal person. No. We sit and contemplate treatment options, how we will muster up the courage to face chemo, how will we tell the kids, what if we die and not complete the mission God has for us? We sit and torment ourselves with all of those thoughts because it’s all a form of PTSD.

The irony is that even if we get a clean bill of health, we don’t fully rejoice because we feel so guilty because others are still fighting for their lives. And some do not survive.

No matter how you look at it, cancer is straight from the devil and he only wants to torment us. Even if we are healthy and free, he wants to remind us of where we have been. This honestly applies to any area where the devil has attacked us.

The solution?

I know that the only solution is to get into God’s word and marinate. I have to allow God’s promises to reign supreme over the lies of ptsd. I must know that even when the time comes for any of us to leave this world, God will always hold us in the palm of His hand. He will give us comfort and the grace to face any and every thing that comes our way.

We sometimes hold onto the things of earth so tightly when the truth is, this earth will pass away. We will leave it and go on to our eternal destinations and not a minute sooner than God has ordained.

Oh Rebecca, when will you trust Him FULLY?

My prayer this morning is not about cancer or healing or ministry or anything of the sort. My prayer is that I trust Him NO MATTER WHAT COMES. I want to be enveloped in His love and know that I know I am secure in HIM, not in this world and not even in fleshly healing. I need to know Him more and feel security and safety in Him above all else. That is what matters most of all.

To order a copy of our book, “A Tale of Two Sisters” click here: https://www.agodfocusedlife.org/a-tale-of-two-sisters It’s the story of my sister and me walking the journey of breast cancer at the same time. God was with us and gave us strength and grace to endure…. and overcome.